My Fear of Being a Meditating Momma

 MeditatingMomma.jpg

Lately, Meditation seems to be trendy all over again. Wait, was that catty? I LOVE the idea and the effects of meditation. What I do NOT love is the idea of getting up at 4 am just for some peace and quiet to accomplish ten minutes of bliss; hmm…much like sex huh? Although, sex being a non-solo activity, is well worth my lack of sleep.

This inspiring book I recently became obsessed with, ‘You Are a Badass’ by Jen Sincero, strongly advocates meditating  in order to truly obtain the kind of badass life you desire. Totally makes sense. Get quiet, get in the ‘zone’, connect with the Universe and focus on your true calling/future/destiny/life-happiness.

However, as you can see from the photo above, I’m feeling that my sitch’ ain’t all that ideal to get in the ‘zone’. I have two very beautiful but demanding daughters. My blue pitbull even decides to crawl his 80 lb ass into my lap the moment I settle into and awkward crossed-legged position. And although I recently became job-less, I seem to have the same lack of me-time as I did before. I get up with the gals at 7:30 am and attend to the craziness of breakfast-teethbrushing-hairdetangling-dogpeeing morning chaos. Then throughout the day, whilst the man is at work, I bounce like a ping-pong ball between laundry, picking up endless bits of broken crayons and banana peels, dishes, phone calls, Facebook meandering, fight-breaking-up’ing and overall exhaustion from preventing Mommy-exhaustion – which is surprisingly time-consuming. So you can clearly see the common thread here that I’m also shamefully aware of: I’M NOT MAKING TIME FOR ME-MEDITATION. I could wake up early, I could teach my gals the value of cleaning up after themselves, I could stop wasting precious time on social networking sites, I could turn off my phone for an hour a day and I could stop finding reasons to run away from QUIET.

You see, QUIET scares me. It’s this mythical and frightening place where I am completely alone with myself. No distraction, no mental ‘noise’, no housework, no child-battles. I’m forced to be at one, be at peace, be with the earth – ya know, be calm. I have spent my life running from one crises, problem, job, relationship to another without really taking a breather. I have been petrified of the idea that once I stop traveling on my crazy-train, I will completely run out of steam and break down permanently. Which is completely ridiculous AND ironic. Because I have learned only until recently, that mental quiet is exactly what will keep me from derailing into self-destruction.

After I was terminated from my employer, I slept, I got sick, I had headaches, I had fever blisters, I got pink eye. Anything gross you can imagine, I got it. Going full speed ahead, with no breathing breaks, no quiet, no peace – was taking it’s toll on my mind and body. So when the majority of my stress ceased recently, my body starting healing by expelling the nasty pockets of tension that decided to shack up inside me.

Now that the toxic little buggers have mostly left my system, I’m faced with some serious ‘rehab’ work to do. Priority on my list, Meditation. It’s like going to the gym. You dread getting in the car, obsess over your sneakers staring at you from a cobweb-filled corner or worry if your iPod’s tunes are desperately outdated. But once you kick your ass into going, you feel A-MAZING afterwards. I know that Mediation is much the same. Carve out the time. Do it. Stop making excuses. And feel the blissful effects.

It, like most every challenge in my life, takes courage. It’s not really the inconvenience of losing a few hours of early morning sleep, or the struggles of finding a hiding spot from the gals for ten minutes. It’s more about the fear of release. The fear of falling apart completely once I stop the static. And fear of imperfection. If I’m not sitting in front of a Buddha statue with incense, candles and twenty straight minutes of solitude, then I assume I can’t truly get into my zone.

I’m basically fearing something that will not only reduce fear itself, but will open up more doors that I ever thought possible. Silly girl. My chaos is now good chaos. It’s about family, the rewarding time I get to devote to raising my daughters, work on the house, pursue my creative ventures. I just need to make those meditative ten minutes a day, a total necessity. Just like taking the dog out to pee, getting the dishes in the dishwasher or the removing the tangles from my seven year old’s hair. All crucial, all out of love, all contributing to this crazy thing called life.

Bliss Out,

H

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